I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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