i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize