You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Randomize
