Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
