Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
