I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
