You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
