Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize