i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
