Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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