hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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