He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
the liver wants what the liver wants
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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