he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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