We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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