If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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