suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
