words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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