Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
