please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
