Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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