Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
