I am in a vortex of obligation.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
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