I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
