clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
