Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
