I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
