I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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