So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
