As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
