He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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