This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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