Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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