we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize