You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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