Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
