ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
