Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
