Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
