I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I got inside last night via doggy door
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
