ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
