In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
