My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
