Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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