You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
