At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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