I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
