just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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