Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
