A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
