I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I have fence marks all over my body
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
