Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
