What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
