Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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