You just made me feel so damn special
Can i not drive my cunt home
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
