Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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