Only a mothe r could love this liver
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
