Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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