i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
