My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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