Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
