I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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