I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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