I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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