If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
