i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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