Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize