Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
God, I missed his penis.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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