I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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