She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I want her autograph on my taint
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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