You don't have asthma, your pregnant
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
